PROCLAMATION NO. 1017
TABACHOI'S PROCLAMATION DECLARING A STATE OF NATIONAL EMERGENCY
WHEREAS, over these past months, I am using the AUV type of public transportation (also known as FX taxis), going to and from my office in Ayala Avenue.
WHEREAS, it takes a total of two hours of my day riding these FX taxis.
WHEREAS, the drivers of these FX taxis prefer listening to radio stations playing mostly novelty music, namely 90.7 Love Radio (Kailangan Pa Bang I-Memorize Yan?), 91.5 Energy FM (Super Ka Talaga), 93.9 IFM (Ang radio ko I), 101.1 Yes FM (Mula Ng Makilala Ka Ako Ay Napaakit Mo), 101.9 DWRR (Alam Mo Na Yan), at 102.7 Star FM (Bombo Radio)
WHEREAS, some of these radio stations employ disc jockeys who thrive on statements with very sexual undertones (i.e., 90.7 Love Radio's "Papa Jack, Cool Hanggang Labasan")
WHEREAS, this type of programming, aimed to provide entertainment to the "bakya" audience, does not, in any way, amuse the passengers of the FX taxis, which are members of the middle class.
WHEREAS, these radio stations are adversely affecting my chances of career advancement.
WHEREAS, due to the Last Song Syndrome phenomenon, I hum Lito Camo's Datu Puti Jingle (Jumbo Jumbo Jumbo Pack) to work, which inadvertently turns off my immediate supervisor, which means he would think twice when considering any promotion for me.
NOW, THEREFORE, I Tabachoi Most High, Co-founder of the We Hate Cueshe Yahoo Group, an aspiring neophyte in the Jimmy Bondoc Is The Shit Club, Self-proclaimed Commander-In-Chief of the Anti-Uruk Hai Forces of The Philippines, by virtue of the powers vested upon me by Section 18, Article 123, do hereby command the prevention and supression of all forms of excrement infesting our Philippine airwaves, as well any act of publicly patronizing addled, backward, besotted, boring, brainless, daffy, daft, dense, dim, dim-witted, doltish, dumb, feeble-minded, half-baked, half-witted, ignorant, imbecilic, indolent, insensate, low, moronic, not bright, numskulled, obtuse, retarded, scatterbrained, shallow, simple, simple-minded, slow, sluggish, stolid, stupid, tedious, thick, unintellectual, vacuous, wearisome, witless type of entertainment, and to enforce obedience to all the laws and to all decrees, orders and regulations promulgated by me personally or upon my direction; and as provided in Section 69, Article 666 do hereby declare a State of National Emergency.
IN WITNESS HEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand and caused the Hello Kitty Seal of Approval to be affixed.
Done in the City of Manila, this 24th day of February, in the year of Our Lord, two thousand and six.
Death To Lito Camo Club